It’s been so off-putting to FC 24 Coins see it grow like that – how Ultimate Team has leaned so hard into the most predatory parts of its business model instead of focusing on the fun factor. It creates a race to the bottom where whoever has the most money wins.

But this year, I decided that I’d had enough of all that. I stuck with the meagre rewards you get for being a returning customer and built a team around a player that I cared about regardless of their statistics. Kazuyoshi Miura is a Striker for Yokohama FC in Japan’s J1 League. He’s also 53 years old, which makes him the oldest player in FC 24. He’s a bona fide hero, but by Ultimate Team standards, he’s also a Bronze Common with 25 Pace and 24 Stamina, which is likely unappealing to most players, but not me.

We all remember when David beat Goliath, don’t we? By building a team around Miura, I wanted to prove that the entire Ultimate Team system is a farce, and through my performance art, potentially liberate the suffering masses who bet big on packs to get Ronaldo on launch day. I had already made those mistakes, so I wanted the next-generation to reconsider.

I wanted to build the rest of my team out of cheap Japanese Bronze and Silver players, but I noticed that in the first Team Of The Week there was an in-form Andres Iniesta, who currently plays in the J1 League with Miura. So I used the coins I’d collected with my pack abstinence and Squad Battles to slot him in midfield, bringing another aging legend to my team. I wanted my monied online opponents to see World Cup Winner Iniesta supply Miura with a clinical pass, only to watch the inimitable ‘Kazu’ with his gorgeous mop of cheap EAFC 24 Coins grey hair slam in a precision strike to close out a match.